male From a weird experience of being in a particular workplace with many married members of the opposite sex in the mid 90s, and being hit on by over 50% of them, got to experience a compressed version of what OP is talking about. She gave it to him. I think aside from any leftover guilt feelings I have about the sexual assault, I also feel I didn't handle the situation well with the married man who wanted an affair with me. As a woman I cannot accept it. Right from the . Its way to stressful to be the sender and receiver. This isnt advice for me..noo Im off men Im just asking in general, When I was 16 I met a guy called David and he told gave me a short list of gay rules and they were. Sit down and place those boundaries now. What sort of overlap in schedules does the OP have with his wife? We have been happily married for many years, and neither she nor I feel comfortable with a female employee going for drinks with mostly males. I'm just listening and taking it all in. A man with two kids of his own mused that the most upsetting aspect of his wife going on a business trip with someone else wouldnt be the specter of infidelityit would be the idea of her enjoying someplace luxurious and not covered with kids toys. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I guess some background about me, I have not been in a ton of relationships before my wife, maybe 5 or 6 long term ones. She seems to think that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with going out with her two male co-workers (both of them are in relationships btw) and getting smashed for 8 hours without me there. It doesn't mean you should divorce, but you should certainly clarify your expectations and where the boundaries are. The fact that you are not invited along is concerning. Been there, done that, it won't end well. Bills tone, per my friend, conveyed indignation that such an insulting possibility had even been considered. The shock. 1. Started February 23, By She made a face like it wouldnt be a big deal. If there's one way to get over a bad relationship, it's to go on the rebound. Wow . His family will always come first, and that . A321 Posts: 6,363. . DH and I have female friends that i would be fine with him meeting up with, because I know and trust them. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. So, obviously unconscious and occupying a bed in another person's house with various men there, including even non-coworkers (perhaps complete strangers to her; perhaps one of them is a very special person indeed). You've given him X amount of years of your life and given him two beautiful children. None of the above is compatible with a long-lasting, happy, faithful marriage. I hope I can continue to take responsibility for my own behavior and act appropriately in accordance with my values. I want to discuss our future.". I text her saying "I guess since I am married I would never go out drinking with two women from work for 7 hours without you being there and that I dont know anyone that would be ok with this situation.". Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Maybe I am oblivious to these things but I am pretty sure no married woman has ever tried to hit on me (and I don't blame them!!). the wife of someone who was becoming too close to a work colleague and going out for drinks after work and even one dinner (!) Again her reasoning's are that they are just friends, she wishes I would trust her judgement and that I was being **** making her feel like a terrible wife. Thanks Ren, that was sweet of you to say. "Met at a firm conference. Maybe. Say for instance, if I get off work at 4pm and am going out with friends after, I will say "I will probably be home by 10" and if plans change and I think I'm going to be out later, I will call or text with an updated timeframe. carlanicole the problem is that what is your wife doing while the GF . Little did they imagine how quickly 25 years would pass and that today, they'd have four children, two of them old enough to read Boundless for themselves. On other . Which hopefully she will be soon. She has the choice of hanging out with them, or going home to spend time alone while OP sleeps? . It's a variation of understanding you shouldn't ever put yourself in a 'compromising position', which means spending alone time/talk of any kind with a married man. Didn't seek out any meaningful relationships for three solid years after figuring out the truth, was so disenchanted with the whole system. Do you think you could be being oversensitive because you are in this rough patch? . Those sorts of things are reserved for you boyfriend/husband. I believe there are other factors to take into consideration. Single men never. Ah, Wednesday. In theory its fine. Tell them you're tired and going back to your room (alone) early, and don't party or drink with them alone. That's what we do, I can't speak for others. She thinks that she is still single. That seems extreme IMO. Passive aggressively being angry about it afterwards does nothing but breed confusion. If that idea makes them uncomfortable, then demand to know why. What you feel is not unfair it completely acceptable. 1. I feel bad for you for beating on yourself for something that was beyond your control. A cheater can still walk away with half, and in some cases allimony. When you meet up with them, let your feelings known about the inappropriateness of asking a married man out for drinks alone and breaking the rules going over budget to go overboard for said married man's gift. I would not be okay with that if the behavior were repeated over and over. I've been thinking a lot about this thread today. You can let him know you don't like it but thats about it. Doesn't bother her at all. OP, it isn't ok. But the others were one-nighters or friends with benefits eager conspirators. Melrich and HellFrost, are there any red flags you've noticed with married women trying to hit on you or set up an inappropriate situation to see if you'd go along with an affair? Yes, this includes more than just our parents - it includes other women as well. My DH felt very threatened by this in the beginning - esp as my friend was single and we had dated yonks ago. Before anybody screams "get real," I'm sure people hook up but I'm just saying not all men are on the prowl, etc. Then she countered with "YOU WERE INVITED!!" I'm sure my guilt complex is tied to other issues (being sexually assaulted when I was a teenager and feeling it was my fault) but in general, I think worrying is not a sign of feeling guilty. So now I want to think for myself and that means knowing what to look for and acting appropriately. Doing something wrong and then turning it around on someone else is childish. I Thought I Had A Headache. I go out with my girlfriends, usually a dinner and drinks at the local dining place. Looking back on things, I feel my behavior didn't align with my values because I gave into pressure from my mother and friends to give this man a chance. Is my new friend a flirt or is he interested? During the icebreaker we were hitting it off - flirting and teasing, complimenting each other, you know - and then one of his colleagues comes over and asks about his wife." I think the key to understanding this is recognizing that married men who love their wives and don't want to cheat don't spend a lot of time socializing with single women, whether that is chatting them up, going to lunch/dinner alone with them, calling them on the phone or engaging in a lot of email or IM that doesn't also include their wives in I get pissed and say "whatever.just whatever" and hang up on her because she doesnt seem to understand why this is an issue. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. 6 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Silas Chung: Couple Tried To Divorce 6 Months After Wedding (Full Episode) E239 #PaternityCourt I've had nights out -- while in a LTR -- where I didn't come home until 6 hours or so after work. The fact he won't let you meet and be-friend her is what I find most incriminating. i certainly don't lead them on, or but i may joke around with them - in the same way i would even joke around with a female friend or an unmarried male friend. I figured that as long as he got divorced, it would be okay to consider a relationship with him. You're right, her actions can be explained away, excused. That part sounds especially shady to me. By Answer: I think you'll both be happier if you let her go out with friends within reason, of course. It also means deflecting their attempts to get alone time with you. He was in my life before my DH and I continue to go out for the occasional drink with him. In regards to your sexual assault, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!!!! I act in a professional manner but I am not constantly vigilante about how to interact with a male colleague. I occasionally meet up with a male friend who I have known for 23 yrs, we dated when we were 15 and our brothers are all friends. Before we went back to the office she mentioned we should do dinner next time. Better to do something before it get worst? 9. Thats up to the three of you to decide. I never been out with another people while I was married.If I went some where there was my husband always by the way I am not a drinking woman so I have less experiences about bars and drinking. reader, So_Very_Confused+, writes (12 September 2013): A 3) She has lost interest in you. What about a married woman going out for a drink with a married man who is a friend. I was in the worst shape of my life, was working long hours, not in a good state of mind, and suddenly BOOM, 5 different married women and one engaged one wanting a piece of my fat ass. Style & Beauty Food & Drink Parenting Travel Wellness Relationships Money Home & Living Work/Life Shopping. All rights reserved. I also let her know that "I am NOT ok with this at all btw". Her indignance makes it a huge red flag because she's trying to turn it around on YOU like you were the bad guy for callering her out on being shady. Drinking in someone's home - a woman with several men - husband not present - wife gets pissy when questioned - enough is drunk that the person can't drive and needs to sleep it off. reply #4 James 9 years ago She has known him for around 2.5 years. Is that inappropriate or normal? He wants me to meet them and is over the moon when we hit it off, then we'll all go out for dinners etc. Right from the off, I said I was uncomfortable with them spending time together alone for lunches, dinner, drinks etc. Another man wondered if watching a sporting event with an unattached woman would somehow imply that his own wife was in some way undesirable because she didnt like sports. Going out for drinks. My husband worked with this women but she recently got a different job. If he is going out of his way to see you then it might be because he has feelings for you. L143myself I text her saying "I woke up and my wife is still not home after 6 hours.".and that "I could understand a couple drinks for an hour or so but for 6 hours..?" Many office affairs begin in similar situations. A 5. If you have intentions of trying to persuade him to leave his wife, then I think you should leave well alone and look for someone who is genuinely single instead. It's a date!!! I was out for drinks the other night with someone quite senior to me who was married. Your baby is going to wake up 2-5 times a night. My entire career I've gone out with guys alone, even on business trips, and I've never had a married coworker hit on me or do anything inappropriate. For 7 hours? Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. 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