Feelings count! Im afraid that if I insist on this topic he ll start to feel guilty and pulls away as he did in the past. He thinks that constitutes me cheating which I have never done nor would ever do to anyone. So, its GOOD that you have worked on yourself and perhaps it is best to give up on this guy. we talked some more about how she felt because her communication with me is not the best, she likes to keep things inside. He says its not my fault that he just wants to see what other people are like and travel. I am living in a vacuum and dont know what to do. I was never unfaithful. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Some examples might help. If you realized your decision was admittedly selfish, lead with that. I think I actually did and expected the future hurt to come so much I caused it to. I was there for him through everything. She said again after sending her msg on facebook not to call her anymore. I really dont know what to think and how to have deeper conversations. I almost never have any sleep. Of course Ive been tested and done all the practical things but the guilt is why I suffer because he is a wonderful person and did not deserve that. Were both 27 years old. Hed tell me he was busy at work while I could see he was less busy with her. Any advice on what I should do? This is driving me physically and emotionally crazy I dont know what to do for some reason my biggest fear is hurting him even though hes hurt me a million times. I too loved him very much. People tell me its a front that she puts up. He was in a relationship at the time and once again locked up. Therapy will help. If you direct your negative feelings at the person because of this flaw in his or her personality, you are bound to hate him or her (at least a little). Idk really know him. I didnt want to be like my father and since I finally realized what I was doing, I was able to significantly control my anger from then onward. So when she came in Tuesday I asked isnt the same guy we went to home depot last yr is your babyfather?. So I hope this is a skill your therapist has. I dont know if I should be patient or if I have to do something drastic to save the relationship. I know he still would like to spend the rest of his life with me. We have had arguments off and on and they all stem from the same issue. Expected behaviors dont happen and new, lovely ones are in their place: consideration, gentleness, sensitivity, generosity of time and effort. Part of me says hes just gone too far this time. We really have to start giving what we missed to ourselves. I do not believe this can be accomplished without outside help. w/o details I cant say much other than that it usually leads to big trouble. But we still talk a lot because she calls. 3 months passed, and he was confused about his feelings. The most obvious scenario in which you hate and love a person at the same time is one in which your love is not reciprocated. He has told me that with everything going on in his life, with his kids, etc, that our relationship was supposed to be the easy place and it wasnt. A first date is special between two new individuals who want to get to know each other better and see if there is some chemistry between them. He has given me no reason to distrust him since. as I read ur story I felt it wAs me writing it. Literally the day after we were married he was a completely different person. My boyfriend and I didnt know each other. I asked him if he wanted space and he agreed, saying he needs time alone and he will call when/if hes ready to talk to me. I have gone through difficult situations of betrayal with him and I lost trust in him then slowly we started in what you described as falling back in love and regaining that trust. I asked him what I could do to make up for it and he said figure it out. We talked about it a little and he just keeps telling me to figure it out. Were you afraid of him? The truth is that a boyfriend or husband can never give to us what our parents didnt give it would never be enough. I guess she wants to figure out if she even wants this any more. She was happy to see me. I havent reached my goal weight and although Im in university I do not put in 100% all the time. And he didnt take it. I had been letting fear of a nonexistent condition I fabricated in my head rule my life. Told me not to worry about baby daddy. I have no hopes or dreams for today .. let alone tomorrow. Any advice or suggestions will be very welcomed and acceped. About 3 months ago my wife told me that she loves me but is no longer in love with me. I finally walked away. I said no we need to talk it out. So using that profile I made a tinder to see if he was there, which he wasnt, but his cousin was. We had a huge fight and I told him this was the last straw, we were both becoming distant from each other. Long story short. My wife and I have been together for 17 years total, married for the last 8. At the end of the day I will never give into the anxiety and let it win. Please let me know what you think. 2. With that being said I was very controlling, checked his phone/email/facebook constantly, I didnt trust him and every girl he associated with I said he was trying to get with her. started to disappear cause of the absence of my Or you want to take action, but also remain passive. I have begged him for his attention for years. He said that he couldnt go a day without hearing her voice & it seems as though it never mattered as to what they talked about .. he just had to hear her. And i said thank you so much for everything. You need the support of good friends and family right now and then you need the courage to take the right steps. But I respect her choice and stayed away. Two days after that, he started calling me. It opened my eyes and want to work on us as a family. For some reason Im drawn to him and even though I know it would be best, I cant let things end. He did little stuff like drew roses cut them out and tied a ribbon to send me for v day. 4. Anyways since she gave birth she barely called in February. I took on all kinds of extra responsibility so that she could do more with her career. When we met, I laid my terms if he wanted to be serious. His love saved me. I love him so much and he is my king. He knew Id wait for him to get better but he ended up dating some girl even though he didnt like her. We eventually got back together, sort of. [And BTW, controlling people often do lack them; that is why they resort to pressuring others.] The Honest Aftermath Of Being Raped By Someone You Loved By Unwritten - Apr 13, 2016 Trigger Warning: This piece discusses elements of rape, sexual violence, and sexual abuse which may be uncomfortable for some readers. Sexy = appealing. After all this time and so much love? The brand that you are going to seems to not be a good fit for you. Im writing this praying and hoping for a response from anyone at this point. And he must be quite unhappy because he has used this woman as a friend, telling her all the problems. Everything was great again for 2 years. Mom and son- value other things over you during your relationship. Then she said she had to go we will talk more tomorrow. In 2012 I took outside work as financial times were tough. This was an extremely helpful article. It is not a great idea to say I have used drugs for the last time UNLESS you are getting INTENSIVE support. Everywhere I go Im with couples and i can barely handle it and a few times i have ended up crying if I drink. If she still wont trust you, then you can go to couples counseling to re-build trust. But a few weeks prior to him first kissing me, I tried to kiss him when he hugged me and he pulled away, saying be happy with what just happenedmeaning a hug and an I love you. I have been with my partner 21 years! As I said then, my boyfriend had broken up with me after months of me treating him very badly. I never wanted to split up with him. They finished but him & his wife and woman he was seeing and her husband became friends after meeting at works do. Good luck! I was fine with him drinking but not the HARD stuff. Crazy huh? There is girl I have date for a month and within that month we had a problem. We started fighting a lot more, partly due to how unfairly needy and emotional I know Ive been, and partly because he feels trapped in a life he was not ready for. I do recommend counseling as long as it is with a trained and skilled marriage counselor who understands what Ive just said. She wants to end both relationships between me and her cheating lover. He just says he doesnt have it in him to make the relationship part work with how drained he feels hes already become emotionally and how much hes working now to make sure we can take care of the baby financially. Miraculously I found a job near hers and wanted to get an apartment together. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years and we have two wonderful daughters. d do how can i behaved different? life! He turned & walked out & continued to work on this vehicle. Let me draw a comparison: It reminds me of bulimia: You get to eat and then you throw it up. Plus I requested a favor since last year that she stylishly turned down. Bt last month my own cousin brother seduce me and unluckily I had sex with him..as I was very much tensed by this.. And my boyfriend recognised this and I told him everything and now he break up with me He hates me so much.. What can I do to leave the past in the past? I dont know. It is not only confusing but doesnt make you look very good to the second one, let alone the original boyfriend. Isnt there somewhere that HE can go now? How can YOU be sure (let alone your wife) that you will NEVER in a hundred years do this again? They have been talking for about a month and they both ended the contact, because first the other woman, was not aware he was married, so once she found out, she no longer wanted anything from him. I need help. The only income I have is child support which I cant always count on. What should i do? When I look at him, I just see a liar who was so arrogant that the safety of my daughter was jeopardised. Im trying to forgive myself for unknowingly hurting him. Would he find you less attractive because you werent perfect? I also am glad you are going to start counseling. Hes an insecure person (he always accused me of cheating on him and having crushes on other men, which I NEVER did) but I believed that he could overcome it one day. People tell me she does care and misses me because she talks to them about me at times but I dont feel like she does. From his point of view I betrayed him and from my point of view he betrayed me and the children. He also admitted to me that we wants to have sex with other women but he still wants me as well. And then when I realised about the drinking, and started watching for the drinking and realising it was happening EVERY day, and we had conversations about how I dont care if he drinks, but please please dont hide it from me because I cant bear the deception, but it continued anyway well, after two years of this, the final straw for me came 8 weeks ago when he drove drunk. You see, depending on the reasons underlying the behavior, the process of healing is different. I tried to help him adapt by signing us up to loads of activites, meeting new people, travelling a lot. So many emotions, and I dont know what to do. I know my decision should be based on him as stats show that will complications like this its destined for doom. Missed to ourselves the truth is that a boyfriend or husband can never give into the anxiety and let win. People tell me its a front that she could do to anyone was fine with him drinking but not best... 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