Whos There? The blonde goes and licks it and says nobody in this building. At this time, it can be a good idea to cheer the birthday boy/girl up and turn their mood around. You left your wheelchair at the bar!My husband and I were looking at the marriage certificate for thirty minutes when it hit me.Then I found out hes been looking for an expiry date.A programmer and his wife.She says, Were out of bread. Its a blowout. Married. The man. What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other? Two birthday cupcakes were sitting in an oven. WebOne liner tags: age, kids, mistake, rude, sarcastic 82.74 % / 1148 votes. Still looking for more birthday greeting inspiration? We may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy. 1. Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.. Whats red and moves up and down? Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Cereal pleasure to meet you! Are you a campfire? Doctor, I get a heartburn every time I eat a birthday cake, says a patient.Doctor replies, Next time, take off the candles.. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife?Only the wife was hung upNever laugh at your wifes choices. I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. Here are a few short jokes for you to enjoy. Because money is green. Why cant you give Elsa a balloon on her birthday? The difference between Ooooooh and Aaaaaah is about three inches. Its all about the ups and downs, the joyful and sad! What did the teddy bear say when asked if it wanted a second piece of birthday cake? Your job still sucks. The dont meet the koalafications. How did a duck buy birthday presents? Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest. He buys two cases of beer instead of one. 73: Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? The man replies, Her life.My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.I take that as a compliment.The wife is angry as her husband is standing too close to a beautiful girl on the bus. Cuz Im gonna tan ya ass. Ill be the nine. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? 18. "Happy birthday, bud!". Dont make me come in there! A few one liners wont hurt anyone. But now that Im out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!My girlfriend accused me of cheating. They dialed the number and then sang Happy Birthday to him. Whats the difference between anal and oral sex? Do not be upset if your husband throws a joke on you that isnt true to how he feels about you. This is why these funny wife jokes are beneficial to you. Why were there balloons in the bathroom? Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? What did one corn cob say to the other on its birthday? submissons by: Mioski8, idwfan, lindsaycham123, Sheraiskoe, audrey.workman, A $100 bill. 28. 34: Why did the snowman smile? Waiter Who? Happy birthday to moo! We have picked some adult jokes for you to use. I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. "Hey, buster.". 24: My cats dead, can I play with your pussy instead? Did you hear about the depressed plumber? I can't Sucka. 50. Here we go againAfter my wife died, I couldnt even look at another woman for 10 years. Whats the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? A trunk full of presents. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. 25: Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Cruller to be kind. Why do vegans give better head? What does an oyster do on its birthday? Oral sex makes your day. Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Do share these dirty wife jokes with your wife. How is life like a penis? Its the same as a French kiss, but down under. 85. She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is." 42. "I think you're cool. Because you just gave me a raise. Whos there? 51: Why do vegetarians give good head? Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay? Later on, the girl is yelling, Cheese cheese, tomato tomato! The younger brother says, Stop making sandwiches! I wore the wrong pair of socks. 49: Whats the difference between your wife and your job? Did Moby Dick enjoy his birthday? A guy will search for a golf ball. What do you give a 900 pound gorilla for his birthday?I dont know, but youd better hope he likes it. Im dying my hair.Husband: Bloody English!Waiter: How would you like your steak, Sir?Husband: Like winning an argument with my wife.Waiter: Rare it is!Wife: If Id known you were so broke, I never would have married you.Husband: Dont pretend that I didnt warn you! You: More like you had one in the cupboard sorry! On my 18th birthday, my grandmother shared some wisdom: "Remember these two words that will open a lot of doors throughout your life: Push and pull.". WebWorld's Largest Archive of Yo Mama Jokes; Yo Momma So Fat Jokes; Disney Jokes; Religious Jokes; Math Jokes; Holiday Jokes: All Holiday Day Jokes; Funny Jokes: What did the bra say to the hat? I thought, Well, which is it? Gary Delaney. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners-, Wedding Anniversary Wishes for Wife (Updated). Did you hear what happened at the trees birthday party? 27. You planet carefully. She choked. You never listen. Me: Ohhhhhh.. My friend told me that his birthday was on Halloween. Keep the tip. Shed let it go. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. WebWhat will you do if no one comes to your birthday party? .css-2ahkpt{display:block;font-family:Brandon,Helvetica,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:normal;margin-bottom:0.5rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-2ahkpt:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.375rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}101 Fun and Tricky Riddles for Adults, 55 Baby Shower Favors Your Guests Will Adore, See Sam Elliott's Red Carpet Appearance with Wife, Pre-Order Joanna Gaines's Third Cookbook on Amazon, All 62 of Reese Witherspoons Book Club Picks, Travel Groups for Women You Can't Turn Down, Jennifer Garner Stuns in Low-Cut Jumpsuit, 75 Thoughtful Purim Greetings to Share With Anyone. When do you put a birthday cake in the freezer? She said, Depends whats in it for me.. Without a lot of money, they dont generate much interest. Marble cake. Whats even better than winning the Special Olympics? 26. "It's roar birthday, let's party!". After five years your job will still suck. What do you call an expert fisherman? Why are YOU shaking? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year. A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. We hope you enjoy this website. Do you need a stud in your life? He put them on his bill. Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. 14: If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents. A 6.9 is a good thing screwed up by a period. 11: I run faster horny than you do scared. . 22: My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. You just turned 14 and you know so much. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it comes from. 7 Up in cider. An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. Donut worry, be happy! How do you know if a donut is bored at a birthday party? How did you quit smoking? 56. I love every bone in your body, especially mine. Not by a long shot. Otherwise, have some fun: Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. 88. Instead, these jokes are only meant to bring some laughter into the lives of married couples. WebCheckout the blow nasty jokes and one liners- Masturbation is like procrastination, its all good and fun until you realize you are only f***ing yourself! He only comes once a year. Whats the difference between your dick and a bonus check? What did the leper say to the prostitute? 4: If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. WebDirty Short Jokes Why did the chicken cross the road? About three inches. Required fields are marked *. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! A ball. Im trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot. 4. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother.". A year older. I have to walk back alone. Do you know a funny one liner? "Thanks I'll never part with it.". 70. "I'm feeling rather burned out. When at the supermarket, I always pick the cashier whos most likely to have sex with me. 80. Not the best advice Id ever been given. Knock Knock! Drat. Men are like public toilets the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap. We have some cool puns to add to your collection: Party time always gives us a reason to laugh. Hold onto your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. Sex is like playing Bridge if you dont have a good partner, you better have a good hand. Peter Kay. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun couldnt reach. 28: Fuck me if Im wrong, but isnt your name Cindrella? Are you in a long-term marriage and extremely comfortable with your partner and your routine? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection,when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: Will you still love me when Im old, fat, and balding? She answered, I do.. Lets play carpenter. 14. 45. She gave me an Australian kiss. Short dirty jokes might come in handy when you have nothing to do and want to ask acquaintances or close ones who share ? He exclaims.The wife replies See, I told you he was stupid.20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildothe wife gets angry and says explain the dildo prick the husband says explain the children bitch. The box a penis comes in. Readers discretion advised. Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus? They all said the same thing: You can have mine.My boyfriend and I met on the internet and my mother asked him what line he used to get me.He said, I just used a modem.Two men were talking about their wivesThe first man says My wife is an angel.The second man says Youre lucky, mines still alive.My wife said if I dont get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboardbut I think Ill ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhfHow can you tell if a woman is divorced?Shes bungee jumping for joy.The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.She still isnt talking to me.What do you get when you play a country song backwards?You get your wife, your house, and your kids back.What does the word gay mean? asked a son his father.It means happy, replied the father.Oh, contested the son, so you are gay then?No, son, I have a wife.My wife left me for an Indian guy.I know hes going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.Man: I havent spoken to my wife in 18 months.Friend: Why not?Man: I dont like to interrupt her.My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me.