Ryan White takes a light hearted look at why he needs new fly fishing tackle on a regular basis.
They say a fool and his money are easily parted. Well, at least according to Thomas Tusser in his proverb of 1573. Personally, I prefer to subscribe to the philosphy of a fellow Belfast man, the legendary footballer, George Best..."I spent a lot of money on booze, women and fast cars.....the rest I just squandered".
I doubt whether George or Thomas indulged in the delights of immersing themselves in the latest fly fishing tackle catalogues, but my contribution to the urban phrase book would amount to."I spent a lot of money on rods, leels and Lines.....the rest I just squandered"
Every year is the same, it arrives like clockwork through the letter box, courtesy of Royal Mail, the book of dreams.
The ultimate weapon of the tackle retailers, as they prepare their bait to divest the fly fishing fanatic of his remaining disposable income prior to the new season. Full of the latest, more technologically advanced gadgets and gizmos than last year. The ultimate blends of carbon and metal that will ensure, for this season, that catch rates will be elevated above all other years.
The marketing gambit is as cunning as a chess master, with the most esteemed, prestigious brands manifesting themelves first, as those eager fingers flick through the glossy pages. Fly rods "Built with the latest, Nano technology, with compressed, carbon molecular resins, as used in the space industry." "Oh God, that sounds good. Space industry? I bet it casts for me. I'll hit the horizon! This is the rod I really need!! I mean really need!!!" A quick perusal of the price tags reveal numbers equivalent to a Third World country's debt, or a banker's Christmas bonus.
There is no correlation between the price of tackle and the size of fish you catch.
The thoughts then drift to payment options. Remember, you must have this rod!!..."Do the kids really need new shoes this year??", or "What can I sell from my current collection (at a financially crippling loss) to pay for one of these?"
Flick forward a few pages, from "premium" and you find your price league. The "lower to mid range" rods. The slightly "Aldi and Lidl" sounding brands, that, let's be honest, you don't want to be seen dead fishing with by your peers. Perfectly functionable tools of course, but in truth, you would rather admit to being on the sex offenders' register than naming them as your brands of choice.
Oh look, repayment options available!! I like it. This company respects the fact we are currently in recession and it's really considerate of them to allow me to own this £700 piece of carbon, sorry Nano carbon, plastic and cork, by paying in monthly instalments. Thanks guys, you're the best! Here are my credit card details. Postage? First class of course my man!! Please post ASAP!!!
Then we enter what I call the dilemna of order prediction. If I order this now, will it arrive before the wife gets home from work? Or, with her in the house, will I have to "discreetly" greet the postman, and sprint upstairs, package in hand faster than Usain Bolt? Perhaps a Post Office receipt will be left and I can collect in my own time. Perfect!
The day comes, and with the anticipation of a 5 year old on Christmas morning, the Post Office van pulls up outside the house..."Is that a rod tube he has? Oh God, he has it, the rod has arrived!!" Hands almost shaking, you rush to the kitchen and select a suitable knife and in the next five minutes, in what resembles a game of pass the parcel, you carefully remove the packaging, careful not to scrape the tube containing your new, "Premium" Nano rod.
This is it. As the sections slide seductively out of the rod bag, you marvel at the lightness of it. The beautiful, illustrious finish, marvelling at the quality of the cork. Could this really be "the one"? That elusive rod that will meld with your casting style in perfect synergy? A quick flick of a nail and the "Made In Korea" sticker slides off. You stand in the kitchen like a Gladiator in the Colloseum, holding £700 of pure nano technology, feeling like Luke Skywalker when Obi Wan handed him his first light saber. You can almost feel the force!!
Six months later, the autumn catalogues arrive and are greeted with the same enthusiasm and anticipation as the companies' Spring offerings. But what's this in the premium range section? The Nano plus?? THE NANO PLUS???? SORRY WHAT??? It's the same as my rod only the plus has better carbon, MORE TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED!!, that the space industry obviously prefer to what's in my crappy Nano rod! They've even changed the colour of the whippings and what's that? A new lighter reel seat too!! Oh God, my Nano rod is so out of date! I'm going to be the laughing stock of the fishery! Look at this! The Nano plus is .005 of an ounce lighter too! I can't have this! I'll end up with arthritis if I don't have a rod .005 ounces lighter than the one I'm using! Look, it's only £800 too, with available finance options...
And to quote Nelson Muntz
And that is how the cycle keeps going, the keeping up with the Joneses, the incessant striving for fly rod Nirvana. Me? I'm no longer a sucker for their cunning advertising hype. I'm content with what I've got and know for a fact, it is just as good as "the latest Carbon Nano Plus technology. I'll just put the catalogues away, safe in the knowledge I don't need any more tackle. So tackle companies don't come knocking on my door trying to entice me with your latest technologically advanced fly rod offerings, as it just won't work.
For sale. Nano fly rod, cost £700, will accept £200, genuine reason for sale. (To fund purchase of Nano Plus rod).
